Our Costa Rica single origin—because some paradises are better sipped than watched.

In a major breakthrough for the impatient and sensitively tongued, local coffee drinker Dave Baker cooled down his hot black coffee with a reasonable amount of ice. The discovery happened early Tuesday morning when Dave stopped in at Ready Set! Coffee for his usual cup of Deep Track.
“I was watching the barista make an iced drink for the customer in front of me. I just put two and two together,” said Baker. “It was great. I was able to drink my coffee much sooner.”
Dave requested only a small scoop’s worth of the frozen water chunks—maybe three to five pieces. This enabled the beverage to cool several degrees, making it comfortably sippable without drastically impacting the overall taste.
The breakthrough comes in the wake of warming temperatures due to a global climate shift known as summer. Outdoor temperatures are up nearly twenty degrees Fahrenheit compared to similar dates six months ago. Coffee drinkers like Baker are aware of that shift.
“It just takes too long to wait for my coffee to cool down, and it feels weird to drink something hot when it’s warm outside.” Baker has maintained the same coffee order since he began patronizing the coffee shop daily nearly one year ago. To him, it doesn’t make sense to change his drink seasonally.
Jessica Batke, of United Coffee Drinkers, agrees and hailed the discovery as a win for consumers. “Black coffee has always been the most price-conscious and calorie-conscious option. By adding ice cubes, consumers are able to enjoy beverages faster, as well as simulate iced beverages that can cost upwards of forty-five cents more than a standard cup of coffee.”
Others were not so pleased. Lincoln Burton, president of Cuyahoga County’s chapter of Americans for Greater Forbearance, offered a scathing rebuke: “A sad and desperate attack on waiting thirty seconds.” Still, he found common ground in the wake of the great discovery. “If American coffee drinkers are able to wait longer for other things in the time saved from waiting for their coffee to cool down, I am all for it.”
Sam Prebble of the American Society for the Preservation of Beverage Temperatures offered this short statement on the matter: “Utterly disgusting. We’re convening with council as I issue this. Mr. Baker, read my lips: no more ice cubes.”
Baker plans to continue his coffee experimentation. “That cold brew stuff was never in my wheelhouse, per se. The heat helps clear out my sinuses and soothes my throat.” He floated an idea for ordering a small coffee but asking for it in a large cup. “Then I can pour enough half and half in there so it tastes like a latte! Plus, there’d be less milk.” It’s a move dismissed by regulars as “optimistic” and baristas as “annoying.”
Still, Baker remains undeterred. “Innovative drinks come from necessity,” he said, sipping his steam-free beverage. Until then, he plans to enjoy the tepid things in life—three to five ice cubes at a time.
Why all the hate i just put some fricking ice cubes in my fricking coffee
I think Dave is crazy.
Tepid coffee… for a tepid wit! Dave Baker is a charlatan, a philanderer, and a libeler!
Three cubes— I scoff!
Wish i heard about this 3 hours ago… got a dang burned tongue.