Bagels and cream cheese. Rock and roll. The and Beatles. Need I say more? They are meaningless words that combine to mean revolution, love, youth, and rebellion. Eating a bagel and cream cheese is as raw as a Danelectro plugged direct into a Silvertone cranked all the way, pushing the speakers like a speeding car down the New Jersey Turnpike in the wee hours against drizzling showers, hopped up on all sorts of diner coffee, running away with your lover—nothing but you and her—wanting to start a life and wanting to be away from it all and in it, all at the same time, within it and without it. Old flat top in the rearview mirror, but it don’t matter much to you or him; you’ve got the sweetest girl by your side and you’re ripping. You can’t buy love, but you can buy a cup of joe and a dang good bagel with some homemade cream cheese.

Who could’ve known that just two things together could do this? All the great teachers, poets, and bagelries knew it. Rock and roll is the answer. Bagels and cream cheese are the answer. In some sort of way, it’s the rock and roll of breakfast. When you think of rock and roll, who’s the first name you think of? That’s right—the Beatles. We aren’t talking about the bugs. John, Paul, George, and Ringo, baby! Those adorable Liverpudlians changed music history, mop tops and all. But did you know they love bagels? At least Paul does, per his bagel recipe that came out on YouTube not too long ago. What a stupid bagel recipe. Hummus, vegetables, cut the bagels in thirds?! It’s already cut in twain, Pauly M! It just seems a bit silly. Need I say more?

Ready Set sat down with our in-house, amateurish-at-best Beatles historian Cameron Mays, who was kind enough to lend his insight on the findings we now present. Cameron and I are proud card-carrying members of Local Weekend Kitchen Workers Post 7306, long since retired though our passion for the craft still burns strong. It’s time these bagels, biscuits, and parfait bowls get their time in the sun—and what better way than by contrasting them with history’s most famous rock group.

Egg and Cheese on an Everything Bagel – Paul McCartney

Classic choice for a classic bagel. Loved by all, classic hit-maker. Even when you think it’s gonna get old, you remember one more song to keep some of Paul’s stuff perpetually in your playlists. When you’re bored with the egg and cheese on an everything, slap a little ketchup, a dash of hot sauce, and it’s good as new.

Plain Bagel with Butter – Ringo Starr

Ringo famously left the meditation retreat in India because he couldn’t handle the spicy food. A simple plain bagel with a little butter would have been the first thing he ate if he got off the plane to London in Cleveland instead.

Tomato Basil Cream Cheese on a Rosemary Bagel – George Harrison

Earthy, spiritual choice. Tomatoes—an American fruit. Basil—an equatorial herb. Rosemary—a Mediterranean bush. Only George could blend it all so effortlessly.

Veggie Cream Cheese on a Salt Bagel – Pete Best

Technically a Beatle, but oft forgotten. Veggie cream cheese, the most forgotten of cheeses, against a salt bagel, the rare occasional Sunday bagel.

Biscuit with Jam – George Martin

Not a Beatle, but integral to the Beatle sound. Similarly, not a bagel, but integral to the Ready Set breakfast experience.

Toast – Billy Shears / Paul McCartney (Depending on Who You Ask)

Much like Billy Shears, the notion that Ready Set carries toast is a preposterous conspiracy implemented by haters and fake fans.

Deconstructed Bagel, Egg, and Cheese – John Lennon

Comes out across three plates when it doesn't have to. More performance art than food. You do you man!

Just an Egg – Yoko Ono

Need I say more?

Day-Old Bagel – Stuart Sutcliffe

The original bass player for the Beatles in their raucous early days. Stuart and his girlfriend shaped much of the initial identity of the Beatles and serve as iconized saints of what was once fresh and new. Much like day-old bagels, these are hardened memories of possibility from a bygone yesterday.

Pretzel with Mustard – Eric Clapton

Not really a Beatle, but he was featured on “While My Guitar Gently Weeps.” That’s a kick-butt song and this is a kick-butt food item.

Biscuit with Grape Jam – Prince

Prince had a really sick solo for “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” at that Rock Hall induction. It’s on YouTube if you want to look it up. It’s also at the Rock Hall’s Power of Rock Experience and is even better hearing it there. Oh? What’s that in the gift shop? Looks familiar!

Bagel with Jam – Prince’s Purple Rain Rendition at Super Bowl XLI Halftime Show

Now you got me talking about Prince! Need I say more? When it starts raining during “Purple Rain?” C’mon now. 2nd best halftime show of all time.

Just Jam – Michael Jackson’s Halftime Show

No. 1 best halftime show. Remember how he was just waiting? Two minutes with the crowd going crazy? Right before he starts singing or whatever. Getting chills just writing this. Also, kinda messed up that Michael bought the Beatles catalog from under all four of them, especially considering Paul taught him how to not get screwed over by the suits and all. WHATEVER! Not mad. Michael’s gonna do what Michael’s gonna do.

Untoasted Plain Bagel with... Nothing – Super Bowl Ad for Puppy Monkey Baby

The logic of this commercial is silly and random, watch it once and get your fill. Since then, Mountain Dew’s whole marketing strategy seems like it’s been trying to capture it's 15 seconds of fame from this commercial. All their ads are strange, obscure, and don’t even make me wanna drink a Mountain Dew! So silly, but whatever. I’m more of an “It’s a Tide Commercial” with D.K. Harbour kinda guy.

Bacon, Egg, and Cheese with Bacon Cheddar Chive Cream Cheese on an Everything Bagel with Chipotle Sauce – D.K. Harbour

Who doesn’t love Hopper from Stranger Things!? He’s great in seasons 1 and 2. From there the story kinda flies off the rails. He was also in that Hellboy movie they released recently, but I don’t think it performed well. Hard to believe they’re releasing the final season of Stranger Things this year too. Remember when they were like 9 years old and now they have beards and families and stuff? Weird times.

Sesame Bagel with Butter – Brian Epstein

I forgot this was supposed to be about the Beatles. So, here’s their manager. I also forgot there are sesame bagels. Haha. Oops!

Croissants – Ringo’s Pet Chimp, Boom Boom

Need I say more?

Chocolate Bagel – The Clash

The Beatles but more serious. I dig these cats, but man, sometimes I just wanna dance to some “Twist and Shout”!

Yogurt Parfait – Queen Elizabeth

The sovereign for much of the Beatles’ tenure, not counting the AI song recently released. Can’t generate me love, can’t generate me yogurt.

Crumbs on the Floor of the Kitchen When It Gets Busy – Actual Beetles

Need I say more?